METH head parents almost KILLED me...
She can TASTE WHAT!?
When I realized THIS about my mother...
THIS is how you steal from Walmart...
WHOLE family shares the same bathroom item...
Girlfriend's brother told me THIS about her...
He did WHAT after getting fired!?
Saved her from our creepy "friend"...
He did THIS when we got pulled over...
I put the tampon in wrong...
I didn't know I was lactose intolerant!
My guts fell out of my stomach!
The staff knows, but his wife doesn't...
Stuck her fist in the garbage disposal!
My brother tortured me...
He ruined the song...
She stopped holding the ladder...
Rock hard in front of TEACHER...
He said WHAT in front of teacher!?
When airplane engines quit...
EMT gives advice...
The chemicals made my lungs...
The FLY tasted like...
"This isn't the f*cking pizza I ordered!"
He threw a bag of trash at me...
They pooped on the floor...
"Mommy, you're fat..."
She p*ssed herself...
I bit the chess piece...
They grew spaghetti on trees...
I can't believe what I said...
Emergency sprinklers didn't work...
Too many snakes to mow...
We found this in the woods...
He slit his own hands...
We raised a seagull...
My dad birthed a gorilla...
In the car with a serial killer...
He was crouched on the counter in a speedo...
F*ck this I quit...
I f*ck with people at garage sales...
I leave random remotes to f*ck with them...
I run away to f*ck with people...
He brought food to a dead wolf...
Mommy, the ghost picked me up...
She thought grades were cumulative...
He said he steals in an interview...
He was running from the cops...
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