Welcoem to posts!!
in the future - u will be able to do some more stuff here,,,!! like pat catgirl- i mean um yeah... for now u can only see others's posts :c
The owner of this channel passed away 2 days ago from suicide. Thank you to anyone who stuck around
2 - 7
Hello! I don't know if there are still people here. But I finally have an update. The Rebranding is essentially complete (new YouTube banners, avatar..etc), and you'll see those changes soon. As for videos, currently editing many videos (30+ videos, some are even 3 hours long) and that will take a while. I'll thank my best friend for encouraging me, she's a treasure. Thank you for whoever stuck around, it means a lot.
21 - 8
Just started working on new content for the channel (as well as some rebranding). No release estimate. Kinda excited! A lot of work ahead!
16 - 6
Here is a long-overdue update.
I was going to make a video to talk about where I've been, but I couldn't make the video, to be honest. I went through the darkest time in my life those past two years, and the thought of making a video about it would seem impossible. I don't know how other YouTubers do it. I don't know if anyone would see this, but it's better than nothing. Not only that, but I feel I'm in a better place now to let it all out.
So my last video was on May 26th, 2020, the Daimos Review. After that video, I stopped uploading without an explanation. I was replying to comments, but I stopped that as well. Around June of that year, many misfortunes started happening in my personal life. Family issues, and health problems. It was a downward spiral that almost ended my life.
Without sugarcoating it, I had a bad disease, and it wasn't pretty. It came at the worst possible time (not that there are good times to have one) because I had this insane family fallout. Also, during that period, I couldn't ignore my gender identity, which led me to accept that I'm a trans woman. Looking back at my life, it all made sense, and nothing was so clear to me than this conclusion. So, what happened when I accepted my new identity? I lost all my friends and loved ones (except for one, my best friend who I am always grateful for). So I was left essentially on my own, with my only friend.
I was practically bedridden, getting treatment from hospital to hospital, selling my sentimental things like my laser disc room (which had over 2000 anime laser discs) and a bunch of my retro games from my childhood to pay for my treatments. Those six months, from June 2020 to Christmas 2020, were the longest months of my life. Fainting in the middle of a conversation, bleeding in places I never bled before, and getting weaker by the day. Then, depression hit as I effectively gave up on life. I couldn't sleep because of horrifying insomnia, and couldn't play games, watch anime, or even YouTube. I literally couldn't do anything. Whenever I managed to sleep, I woke up with heart palpitations that would scare the living sh*t out of me. My weight was 180 pounds, and during that time, I was in the 70s. I thought of suicide multiple times, asking my doctors to grant me Euthanasia. My best friend never left my side. She told me to give the treatments the time to work.
But comes 2021, my dad came home to us after being trapped in Switzerland because of Covid, and it should've been a happy occasion, but it wasn't. He had liver cancer for years, and he never told us. When he came home, it was already in stage 4, and he had three to four months to live. April 5th, 2021, cancer spread to nearby organs, eventually the lungs and the brain. He started to hallucinate and recollect the childhood trauma that he kept secret. He cried and went into a liver Coma. On April 16th, 2021, my father passed away, and shortly after, I was healthy again in a way. Funny how things work out. It all feels like a big sick joke. I don't know how I feel about this to this day. I never told him about my health issues. He was going through enough. Remembering him in the hospital, deteriorating as the cancer is devouring him, is an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life, even though i never a good relationship with him
I'm recovered and slowly gaining my physical and mental health back. I started hormone replacement therapy with the help of an endocrinologist who's like family to me now, along with my supportive siblings. My best friend never left my side, she saved my life, and I'm forever grateful to her. I'm slowly getting back to my hobbies. I'm working out at a slow pace to regain some stamina. Will I ever be the same physically? No. Everything is harder on me now, but I'm living. When I decided to change, I had two options, not be myself and still have everything, or be myself and lose everything. I miss my friends and the sentimental things I lost, but I'll never regret living my truth. It's a worthy sacrifice.
I can't stare at a screen for too long without having a migraine, and it's getting better gradually. So, I am reading more (novels and manga). My transition has been good, slow, and steady. My body is changing every day. I'm taking care of myself because I feel like I deserve it.
I get a lot of comments from people saying they love my videos, which is bizarre to me. I thought no one would watch my work. But when my favorite anime YouTuber comments on my videos saying how great they are, it is so humbling. Every comment means the world to me, from positives to criticisms. I thank every person who supported this channel.
As for the future of this channel, I don't know what to do. I have so many scripts done from 2019 and 2020. I can't see myself editing videos again, however. I'm not a good editor, and it used to take me days to finish a 5-minute video, and I'll never put myself through that again. I'm exploring the option of hiring an editor. Recording audio, writing scripts, and getting the footage is never stressful. The editing part is what's daunting. I feel there is a lot of love left to give on this channel. Still, I need to say this, uploading videos again is still in question, as my health comes first.
I don't have the best English speaking skills, it's my third language afterall. Even back in University, I struggled with that, and I majored in English literature because I have a passion for it (like my hobbies). And I hope I showed that in my videos as our passion for things surpasses the language barrier. Well, at least that's how I see it.
Thank you for everything.
30 - 8
- Just a millennial who talks retro anime.
- Not a westerner and English is my third language
- The goal of the channel is deepening the appreciation of older anime and its history, and appreciate the power of anime nostalgia and childhood memories.