"Let's put a smile on that face."
-Joker
"We forget half the things they teach us in school, but... when it comes to the torment other people inflict on us, we've all got an elephant's memory."
-Derek Morgan
"How about a magic trick?"
-Joker
"She looks mad."
"That's just her look."
-Police Officer, Adrian Monk
"He sounds like he was reading that from a text book."
"Trust me, he always sounds like that."
"Actually I read it from a pamphlet I picked up at the airport."
-Officer, Morgan, Reid
"Why are you acting so weird?"
"We're sitting with a guy who knows that there are 800 kernels of corn on the average cob ..."
"... arranged in 16 separate rows"
"And you're calling me weird?"
-Morgan, Greenway, Reid
"I don't care what you think
As long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness
In Misery"
-Fall Out Boy