@Mule-w3y

1 week ago

Im delusional about beign in control of almost everything in my life in the present.
I put a happy face all the time, literally, I cant let people to see me defeated or going trhough hardship, if I feel too bad and i cant control my face or mood, I will blame it to beign tired or sleep deprived to always be covering my face.
I lie all the time to protect my image, I would even say that I build my image over lies, I even lie about beign religious when im not.
I started to put my guard up when I realized about death, since then, Ive felt the chase of death behind every action that I take, making life more meaningfull and at the same time valuable.
The worst part of a relationship i would say it is public relations, maybe cheating (if you get a low valuable psrtner might be a concern), and also that they end. youll see, if a relationship is shared to the public, and something goes wrong, then explaining will be so hard, I couldnt take the gossip that would generate so, I think those are the worst of relationships in worst case scenarios.
YES, Im very affraid of revealing my true self, as i portray myself is very different from what goes trhough my mind, my ambition and goals, specially because of my philosofy, which is a mix between nihilism, maquiavelism, solipsim, epicureism and stoiscim. Hell, im even using an alternate account to comment this, i would never use my real yt account to comment such a revealing side of myself

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