@gutssparkle

3 months ago

My dad used to hurt me mentally and physically. He only stopped hitting me because he nearly lost custody over it. He still impacts me mentally tho. No new clothes, no new toothbrushes, he refuses to cater to my SPECIAL NEEDS. I don’t eat some nights because he doesn’t make me meals with my safe foods. Then calls me difficult?! But I hate hating him cuz he doesn’t make me so many nice things too. He cares for me, he feeds me, he gives me gifts (rarely but still) and he lets me stay up late. I still vividly remember some traumatic moments he caused tho. Like when he pumped liquid soap into my mouth and made me wash my mouth out with it cuz I called my twin an idiot. Or when I closed his car door too hard and he slapped me on the leg, and then I cried and he slapped me again. Or when he would get me to sit on my hands or sit with my hands in the air. Or one night when he cooked lasagna (I wouldn’t eat it cuz it’s not my safe foods) and he sent me to sit at the door and my stepmom said that if I didn’t eat she would take me to the hospital and they would stick a needle in my arm and feed me thru it. I remember those events vividly. Yk why? Cause they were traumatic. Maybe not PTSD trauma, but I do have trauma. Love you dad <3

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