@CreationsSpooksAndChills

5 months ago

I think you're cool, and next month I still will, next year too. I don't care what variation of you that you are, because on the grand scheme of it, I just think you're a cool person overall. I like how you dress, I like how you do your makeup and your hair, I like how you do your best to be open with things so that others can learn from your life, I like that you care but you won't be trampled on. I wish I could be more like you, be better at dressing myself and doing makeup and all that, as well as the internal things, like knowing how to care and share without allowing those close to me to step all over me just because forcing things to get better instead of waiting for them to learn what they're actually doing and do better would be difficult. I mean, yeah, just silently hating them for all the little things they think don't matter when to me it's on par with murdering my pets in front of me feels easier because the people in question will not react positively to constructive criticism about it, that just eventually boils over and it'll no longer be silent hatred, it'll be so much more of it that there's just no word for it and everything just goes horribly wrong. they're not gonna do therapy to fix the problem, they're not gonna help me get therapy either because even when they do acknowledge my words and requests for therapy, that's a very short acknowledgment that goes out the window same day because I forget that I literally have to be annoying as hell about it and keep pushing for therapy constantly to get it, and it's infuriating! and I wish I was better at solving things like that. you make a genuine effort to, and I look up to you for that, I think you're the coolest person ever. you don't have everything figured out, nobody does, but you're doing a lot better at it than I am. also yes, I do plan on buying a boxing pillow to take my anger out of to avoid it boiling over and taking it out on people instead, I'm looking for one online but it also requires being allowed to have a boxing pillow set up since I'm living with someone who doesn't believe I need anything to manage my emotions while also seeing the results of me having nothing to manage my emotions because they already got me therapy as a kid to learn how to manage it, but that doesn't work because it's not a physical outlet, it's a quiet one that's geared towards others not knowing what I'm going through and how I'm actually feeling and masking everything for others.

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