I don’t even know how to assess my life right now. I’m being called to come out of myself and endure the world. I’m scared, unprepared. Unready like a child drafted into battle; an uncooked cake. I’m here to be consumed now instead of consuming; as a human creating dialogue, words and as a mother giving up my body. I see the physical manifestations of it, tired face, beauty of a dove fading and seeing it reclaimed my child’s face and eyes. Even their spirits seem newer, more alive. I’m not all sad about that, a sure sign of maturity; being willing to give and accept my passing. I’m glad for my maturity and what I’ve accomplished, though I know God has blessed me to allow all the resources to come together and bare fruit. Up till now, life was about establishing a life; a family, house, a husband, a social network and adulthood internally. Now, perhaps, my 30s are about using this foundation; building a frame and walls and electrical and plumbing. I don’t know the design exactly. Part of the purpose is to build a house for the Lord to dwell in. What house could be good enough for that? A house that He designs. We need materials and labor.