Hi I'm Swaggers, King of the African Serval Cats! My dad, a NYT reporter, rescued me from the Wahimbe tribe in Wambam, Cameroon while covering a story there. He now wonders what I did to provoke them. I'm two. I enjoy ceiling fans. My diet is disgusting. I eat mice, rats, duck heads, blinds, modems and toys. I don't bite or scratch, but as a kid I ripped the shit out of dad. I'm sorry now. I sit, lie down, speak, roll over and jump-but no mouse no trick. I weigh more than 50lbs, sleep on dad, n hiss if he gets up to pee so he holds it in. I wake him up everyday at 3:21am. If he snoozes, I hit him in the head n laugh. I can jump 14 feet, but I'm scared of heights so fuck that. I DO NOT like air vents, and I will destroy them all. I hide my daddy's toothpaste, toothbrush, shaving cream and razors in the AM so he doesn't go to work, n I don't read that paper anyway. I once ate $220 then took a nap. My best friend is a Chihuahua I met at the dog park. I never ate that parrot.